How Private Does Your Garden Really Need to Be?
How much of your garden is actually yours? And how much of it belongs to whoever's peering over the fence?
James Alexander-Sinclair and Joe Swift take on garden privacy, and immediately disagree about whether it's a problem worth solving. James has just come from a client who cut his hedge DOWN so he could ambush passers-by from his wheelchair. Joe once lived next door to a flat that held naked Sunday afternoon parties, and has never fully recovered.
Along the way: why retirement flats facing the road always sell first (people want to see a bit of a mugging), the fortress garden problem and why building one leaves you with an expensive shady box, the one screening trick that actually works (move the plant closer to you, not closer to them), and why sitting down is the cheapest privacy money can't buy.
Then there's sound, which turns out to be the harder half. Acoustic fencing at Horatio's Garden in Scotland, the futility of arguing with a flight path, and a doomed attempt to coin a name for a quiet garden. Pianissimo gardens, anyone?
Plus: Ken. Ken is retired, bored, owns a small yappy dog and a stepladder, and has seen Joe on the telly. Ken's wife Meg cooks anchovies with alphabet spaghetti and plays Slade at volume. Joe is not allowed to move house. Good luck, Joe.
With a nod to Dolly Parton and Tim Curry, and the tale of the cattle that ate every single tree James had planted the day before.
